Should Be Loved By You
by Lunar Orphan
Summary: "Please... I love you." "I had him... he was mine... Then I went off and let him slip through my fingers... Why?" "I'm nothing without you, absolutely worthless. You made me who I was Dei... Come Home." *Songfic* *rated for language!* SasoDei
1. Should Be Loved

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Blue October or this song!

This is a songfic I just threw together... It's actually meant for a certain somebody... In this little story it's like I'm Sasori and that person is Deidara... This really speaks for itself...

Song used:Should Be Loved by Blue October (you should really either listen to the song or read hte lyrics while reading this,)

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><p>Redheaded Sasori Akasuna sat out his couch watching his boyfrie- ah… ex-boyfriend slamming things around and shoving them forcefully into a sack. Sasori couldn't believe what was happening. He and Deidara were suppose to be together forever. Dei has promised him… But this, he just didn't quite understand. The blonde had said he loved him just that morning! How did things go so wrong so fast? Sure, Sasori had been unhappy lately, but Dei was just suppose to help him through it, not get angry at him for it! That's not how it was suppose to go… Deidara was his best friend and lover… How could… Maybe he'd complained one too many times about not being able to work on his puppets as often with Dei around him so much… He loved Deidara though, and the blonde <em>knew<em> that. I mean, Sasori may have complained, but it was his choice to spend so much time with the blue-eyes beauty.

The blonde grabbed a picture of the two holding each other and glared at it. The frame was a present for Sasori on one of their anniversaries or something, the redhead couldn't remember. All he could do was stare blankly as the blonde slammed the thing into the trashcan, shattering it. Sasori cringed. Why wouldn't Deidara just sit down an act rational for once? Instead of flying off the handle like a little kid! When Sasori called him 'brat' it was cause the blonde was immature, but usually in a tolerable way. This… This was too much.

The redhead ran a shaky hand through his hair. Was all this really happening? He just couldn't quite grasp the reality of the whole situation. Wasn't there anything he could do? Did all their time together really mean so little? Was Deidara able to throw it away that easily? But Sasori… Sasori wasn't done! No, he was still very much in love with the blonde. Deidara had fought so hard in the beginning to get Sasori to just look at him and now Sasori was just wishing that the blonde would look at _him_. Not with that hateful glare, but those sweet, soft, baby blues looking in his direction, soaking in and loving all that was Sasori.

Sasori swallowing thickly and walked slowly over to where Deidara was standing. The blonde wouldn't look at him at all now, so he didn't know that he was so close. The blonde had found another one of their framed pictures and was rearing back to through it at something when Sasori caught his wrist.

"Deidara! Knock it off!" The redhead yelled. The blonde spun around and kicked Sasori's knee backwards. The redhead dropped down and held the aching limb tightly.

"God dammit! What the hell is wrong with you?" He ground out.

"Ch." Deidara scoffed, rolling his eyes. "I'm tired of you hurting me over and over and over again, _Danna_!" He said the last word with such spite, such venom it made Sasori's blood run cold. "I'm too afraid that you'll do it again to just keep on hanging around where I'm not wanted!" He continued furiously. Sasori gulped. He'd never once intentionally hurt the blonde… He didn't even think he did it that often, did he? Did all those little off comments really sting the boy? When he was joking did the blonde misunderstand him? Or when they would get in fights and Sasori would lose his temper and say anything that he thought would hurt, did Deidara take all of those lies to heart? But Sasori always said how he never meant those things! Also, he always said the was kidding when he was teasing the blonde… Maybe he'd pushed too hard…

"Mother fucker." The redhead mumbled. He felt defeated. He couldn't promise not to hurt the boy anymore, the damage had already been done…Plus, he couldn't say for sure that it wouldn't happen again. But wasn't Deidara paying attention? He'd hurt Sasori many times too.

How was he suppose to just roll over and accept this? He didn't want the blonde to go. He really didn't. But the redhead couldn't think of anything that would make the beautiful boy stay…

"Deidara! That's no reason to throw us away! Let's take couple of hours to calm down and then come back and talk it out!" Sasori suggested. That would give him plenty of time to figure out what to say to get his boyfriend to be in love with him again.

"Talk about what? There is no solution to this! Not even you, _Mister Genius_, could think of something to make this all better." He said snidely. Sasori ground his teeth. The blonde could be such a little prick sometimes! But god he didn't care right now! The blonde was everything to him. He loved him with everything he was. He couldn't just let that go. But the blonde refused to listen to him. The blonde had made up his mind. He wasn't easily swayed either… The redhead started scraping his thumb nail with his teeth, a nervous habit. He loving being with Deidara so much… he didn't want that to walk out the door.

The blonde grabbed a hold of the straps on the bag he'd been packing and stormed over to the front door. He hesitated for a moment. He did still love the redhead, but he'd just been so unhappy lately, and so had Sasori. He wanted to be happy, he wanted Sasori to be happy. Something had gone wrong, and they needed time apart. Hopefully, maybe one day, they could fix it. But not a for a while. No, he was done. He was tired of hurting and always feeling like he was doing to wrong thing. Sasori seemed to be in a constant state of 'pissed off' and Deidara couldn't seem to lift the mood at all, no matter what he tried. He opened the door and walked out.

Sasori watched his life walk away. He felt his chest tighten and eyes water, he hadn't cried in so long, it was a strange, unwanted feeling. His throat felt like ti was closing and he couldn't really breath. Sasori laid down on the kitchen floor and curling in on himself. He let himself cry loudly. He didn't care. He sobbed and sobbed until he forgot how to breathe. Deidara was really gone.

"Dei… Please don't go."

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><p>Well, there you have it.<p>

Review! -Lunar


	2. American Dream

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Naruto, this is a non-profit fanfiction

A couple of you guys wanted a sequal, and I loved the story so much, I wanted to do one anyway. XD SO HERE IT IS!

And staying with the structure of the last story, the song that follows this one is _American Dream_ by **Silverstein**! Please enjoy!

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><p>"<em>I can see me having you in my life until the day I die." <em>That's what he'd said. That's what Deidara had told him. The blonde was sincere at the time adn Sasori knew that. But nobody could really know for sure what would happen. Not a damn person. And even though Sasori had truly wished for the blonde's promise of eternity to be true, it wasn't.

It had been three years and then some since their break-up and Sasori had extracted a drinking problem. He was fired from his job as an accountant. Miraculously, he seemed to have a talent for drunken painting, and he skated by on selling those. Yet, he couldn't seem to even be sober long enough to make puppets. His favourite passtime. Sasori was nothing without Deidara, and being nothing, he couldn't create something. Such as art.

He was poor, of course. He lived in a shitty apartment, barely ate, and spent most of his money on booze. Life was hell for him, and he didn't see it getting any better. Tonight was one of his worst nights. While in a bar, he'd seen Deidara on the news. Something about one of his 'sculpture bombings' being a huge hit. The redhead was currently in his apartment throwing things around.

Sasori picked up an empty beer bottle and chucked it at the wall. "Fuck you!" He growled out. "Too afraid? **You** were too afraid?" He punched the ground and shivered from the pain the solid contact send through his arm. "Do you have any idea what you've done to me Dei? Well? Do you!" He lashed out again and kicked a hole in a nearby cupboard.

They'd been in love for so long… But it wasn't enough to make the blonde come home. Sasori had called, sent emails, texted, talked to all the blonde's friends and still, _nothing. Nothing worked._ Deidara had one seriously strong resolve. Sasori must of hurt him pretty badly. The blonde had always eventually broke down and came back after a fight. He always just wanted everything to be all right and to just stop fighting. But this time. This time it was different.

After a year plus Sasori gave up trying to actually contact him. But once a week, he wrote the blonde a letter. He had no idea if the blonde even knew about them -he sent them to Deidara's parents house- or ever even read the letters, but that didn't stop him. Once a week, fifty two weeks a year. A total of one hundred and seventy-four letters had been sent. Sasori kept a close count. He never wrote about the shitty way he lived. He didn't want to guilt trip the blonde. He merely spoke of the latest painting he sold, or his favourite dinner that week, or even how the weather had effected him that week. If something unusual happened, he wrote about that too. Like if he went to the store and got some new clothes, which he rarely ever did. At the end of each and every letter he told the blonde that he still loved him and that he was sorry.

The redhead had believed that what they had was deeper than just 'love' though. True love would be closer, but still not quite enough of an explanation for what he thought that they had. Was it even possible to fall out of true love? How could one justify walking away from what others would give an arm and a leg for? True love was life's blood, the reason people lived, what people dreamed of as little kids. Maybe that was it. Perhaps, they couldn't handle it. The strain from having a person truly love you and entrust you to their whole being. It was too much pressure and something was bound to give.

There was a weakness in what they had and it was Sasori's internal secretiveness colliding with Deidara's overpowering social nature. A more explanatory way to say that is, Sasori kept to himself and Deidara branched out. They couldn't understand that about one another. Sasori was reclusive. He was fine with being around only one person forever, nobody else. Because he was accustomed to solitude, being around too many people irked the redhead. And riding the back of solitude, was Sasori's lack of expressiveness. Meaning, he didn't quite know how to express himself. He didn't know when the appropriate time to voice his opinion was. He'd never talked about what was bothering him to anybody before, so Deidara asking him to do it on a regular basis was too much for the redhead.

Contrary wise, Deidara loved being around people. He loved meeting new ones, hanging out with old ones, and talking about them. He could prattle one for hours and hours with his girlfriends, gossiping about their other friends and the like. Sasori couldn't stand being around others for that long, or gossiping. Deidara often got mad when he wouldn't participate in the conversation, no matter how many times the redhead explain he had no clue as to just what, or who, in the hell they were always talking about. Point being, Deidara was always around people, so talking came easily to him. Which included talking about his problems. He thought it was so easy and natural, so he couldn't never really understand why Sasori thought it was so difficult. Sometimes Sasori even froze up and could talk. Literally, his mouth would move, but no sound would come out, no matter how hard he struggled. He knew exactly what he wanted to say, he had the confidence to say it, for sure, and yet… He couldn't.

Deidara had always found their arguments very one-sided because Sasori couldn't speak. Sasori had always tried to explain it, but, as previously mentions, Deidara simply could not comprehend that. _Talking was not a challenge' _he'd insist_, _and it hurt the blonde when Sasori wouldn't talk to him.

Still, he couldn't believe that everything they had would turn out to be so… _fragile. _

Sasori curled up on his kitchen floor and groaned. He threw his arms outward and laid spread-eagle. He watched the ceiling fan go around and around and around.

"I remember you so clearly." He mumbled in his drunken state, though he was quickly sobering. He hadn't had that much to drink in the first place and he had a pretty high tolerance level. "The silkiest hair, the bluest eyes, the brightest smile, and the biggest heart. That was my Dei." He chuckled humorlessly. Time had gone by so slowly and so quickly over the years. Both agonizing and forgetful. He looked over at the wall and grimaced when he saw the whole in the dark brown cabinet.

"Are you okay?" He heard Deidara ask. He smiled, such a sweet sound. The redhead sat up and crawled over to the worn out fridge and yanked the heavy door open. He pulled out a beer and popped the top off. He took a large gulp from the bottle and shook his head.

"No, Dei, I'm not. I haven't been since that day… May 24, 2008. When you left, you forgot to give my heart back. You took it with. I've been alive all these years, but with no heart, it's hard to live." He mumbled, walking over to his recliner. He sat down and sighed, stretching his arms and legs.

"Don't be melodramatic, Sasori, un." The blonde's voice said.

"I'm not. I miss you Y'know." He looked down. A translucence Deidara stepped forward from the shadows and looked Sasori at the pathetic heap the redhead had become. This was not the man he loved. This was not who he'd fell in love with. _This_ was something else.

"Why did you treat me so poorly?" Deidara asked. The redhead laughed out loud, shaking his head. Finally regaining his composure enough to articulate a response, he looked at the blonde.

"You're a hallucination that I created, and yet you… You ask me that? Even in my subconscious you're still you, I suppose." Sasori didn't feel like arguing with himself so he ignored the blonde apparition. He had no oblligation to answer him anyway. The redhead was tired and decided it was time for bed. He got off of the recliner and stumbled into his tiny bedroom. The only thing in the room was his bed, with only two sheets on it. No blankets. Winter sometimes got pretty bad, but he had to just deal with it. He, still fully dressed, crawled on top of his broken twin-sized mattress. "Goodnight Dei…" He whispered, as he did every night.

_Sasori sat in a field of soft green grass, under a cherry blossom tree. The weather was warm and pleasant. The wind was blowing gently and everything seemed… Perfect. On his left sat his precious blonde. They were still so in love, so happy. Sasori slid his cold, pale hand, into Deidara's warm, tan one. _

"_Do you love me?" The redhead asked, knowing full well the answer. _

"_Of course. I love you so much, Danna." Sasori smiled broadly. He loved the way it sounded when Deidara said that he loved him. They leaned on each other. They belonged together. They could only be happy with each other. They were shaped to fir one another. Or so it seemed. _

"_Actually, _Deidara,_ I've got something to say to you." Sasori spat and stood up, ripping his hand from Deidara's. The blonde gasped, confused. Thunder rolled in the distance and the blossoms above him started to wilt rapidly. "You do nothing but hurt me! I'm sick and tired of trying so hard just to be around you. I don't want to stay with you another day, just so I can say that I stayed another day." The redhead couldn't control what he was saying or doing. No! He thought just opposite of that! "You think you own me? I'm stronger than you." '_I need you!' _The green grass started turning black and the blonde started crying. "You can't have my future." '_You are my future, Dei, please!'_ Darkness swallowed the couple up and before Sasori really knew what happened, Deidara was gone. _

The redhead lurched form his bed and leaned over the side, grabbing the nearest wastebasket and vomiting. He chuckled humorlessly again, laying back down.

"I never say the right thing. In my dreams or otherwise." He groaned, life was not going to get better.

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><p>Please let me know what you thought!<p>

Once again this story was deidicated to a certain somebody...

Review -Lunar!


	3. Beautiful Mess

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto! This is a nonprofit fanfiction!

Of, this is the FINAL installement of Should Be Loved By You! I wasn't planning on adding a third (or a second for that matter) You can thank **OneSecondEternity** for this chapter.

Song for this chapter: _A Beautiful Mess_ by **Jason Mraz**

Notice: I'm currently doing requests for _Naruto_ and_ Death Note_! If you want me to write one for you, just let me know!

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><p>A familiar redhead stood, dressed reasonably well. As compared to his usual choice of clothing anyway. Quite a few of his paintings were on display. Some rich man had requested the redhead to put on a gallery. All expenses paid. The redhead accepted, of course. The more he advertised, the more money he got. The more money he had for alcohol the better. Apparently the man, Shino Aburame, had taken a real liking to his drunken paintings and wanted to share Sasori's 'artistic brilliance' with the world. Idiots like him are what made people like Sasori live.<p>

Presently, the redhead was bored as hell, and tired of talking to stuck up people about what each of his paintings 'meant' and if he was ever influenced by the 'Great Sculpture Bomber'. Sasori always said no when the answer was always yes. He would never admit that out loud though. Most, if not all, had a certain Deidara-esque feel to them. At least, in his mind they did. He did a few paintings of explosions and those were the ones people asked about the most. Those ones, ironically, were not influenced by Deidara, well not exactly. He painted them based on what his life has turned into. Which is because of the blonde, but they had nothing to actually do with him.

Sasori checked the wall clock for the umpteenth time that night and sighed. It had only been five minutes since he last checked. He still had two plus hours to go. He leaned his head against the wall behind him and closed his eyes. Nobody was near him, nobody was talking to him. If he did this right, maybe he could sleep through the next two hours.

The redhead awoke with a jolt and nearly fell to the floor. He caught himself at the last moment and growled quietly. He wondered how long he was able to sleep before this douche bag woke him up. He turned his head up after righting himself and looked at the clock. Oh, an hour and a half. Impressive. He turned to look at the person who woke him up, all previous anger completely gone. Only half an hour left!

"What are you doing here?" The person asked. Sasori gaped, eyes wide, and couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. He just _couldn't. _The man in front of him tilted his head in that ever-familiar way. "These don't seem like your kind of paintings. Are you here to buy some?" Sasori could tell the man was just rambling. His face was slightly red, his breath was ragged, and his eyes kept on shifting, never staying on one point for too long.

"I-I'm the painter." He mumbled, regaining control of his body.

"Oh… So how've you been, Sasori?" The redhead bit his tongue. He hadn't heard his name said by that voice in so long… At least, the real thing. When he imagined the blonde, he said his name sure. But it wasn't the same.

"Fine, and you?" No. That's not what he wanted to say! It's not what he meant. He most certainly was _not _fine.

"Pretty good. My work as an artist has gotten pretty far… Speaking of, I don't see any puppets here. I thought you said this was your gallery, un." Sasori flinched. He'd ignored a certain blonde so many times just to make puppets.

"You know that I don't like to sell my puppets." _I haven't been able to even think about making any without you there.'_ The redhead ran his hand shakily through his hair. He looked directly into the eyes of his ex. He swallowed thickly and the room suddenly felt very heavy. He was sure his face looked as cocky and arrogant as it always did, giving nothing away to the turmoil inside.

"Right right, sorry Danna." The blonde clasped his hand over his mouth faster than a venus fly trap snaps shut over it's prey. The redhead felt his heart skip a beat.

"Old habits die hard, huh?" He chuckled awkwardly.

"Yeah. Sorry… Anyway, how's life without me, un?" He grinned falsely. Sasori saw right through the smirk and felt a glimmer of hope inside him. Would they get back together? Was the blonde hurting just as much as Sasori? He quickly quelled those thoughts. He'd long since given up on anything so ridiculous.

"It's been alright. Not too bad after the first several months." '_Horrible. It never got easier, it never got better.'_

"Same for me." Deidara said. Sasori couldn't tell if he was lying or not. Sasori wasn't sure if he wanted him to be lying or not.

"I'm didn't mean to hurt you." _'I'm sorry! It was my fault… I know it. I didn't know how to treat you…or trust you…' _

"Sasori, don't okay? Just don't even bother with that." He said sternly. "I've read… I've read your letters. I know you're sorry." Sasori half-smiled. He hadn't said he was sorry just then, but the blonde knew that's what he meant.

"oh… I see." '_You've read them? Really? Good. I'm glad they got to you.' _Sasori gestured for them to sit down on a nearby bench. Hoping that would ease the tension a little. Deidara obliged and they sat. "How's life been for you?"

"Oh screw all the formalities Sasori!" The blonde groaned. "Look... Can't you just be honest with me? You think I don't know how to tell when you're lying?"Sasori cringed.

"Fine, you really want to know? Life sucks Deidara. It really does. You were my everything, and you took that all away. It's your fault I'm like this now! It's your fault I have a drinking problem! It's your fault that I can't do anything right anymore!" The redhead graoned inwardly. That's not what he meant. He didn't really blame the blonde, completely anyway. But he didn't mean to say all that in such a mean way.

"Oh... I see. Tell me Sasori, how exactly is it my fault? Amazing how I'm not even there and you're_ still_ blaming me for shit!" Deidara said defensively. "Just what the hell do you want form me?" This wasn't going how Sasori imagined at all.

"What does it matter anymore, Deidara? You walked out. You left me. You made it clear that you don't want anything ot do with me."

"Well, that's not it, un." He leaned back and ran his hand through his hair in annoyance. "I was tired of not being able to be me, Sasori. We aren't teenagers anymore. We're adults, and it's time I act like it. It's time you acted like it, un." He looked in the redheads direction. "Being an adult means that I have to know when something is bad for me. _You were bad for me_." Sasori felt like that was a bullet through his heart.

"I'm bad for you? Oh, it was all me then, wasn't it?" He said angrily. "Deidara, don't you see how you were acting bad too? You would always, always, say that you're tired of me blaming you, _while you were blaming me._ Whenever you would upset me and I would tell you that you were upsetting me, you would flip out Dei! You would turn right around and say 'Oh, and you're just perfect aren't you?'" Sasori ground his teeth, finally let out all that he'd been wanting to say to the blonde for years now. Even before they broke up. This felt so good. Releasing all of his pent up engergy. He had no idea he had been holding all of this inside until that very moment.

"I mean, Jesus Christ. There was a reason I never told you anything, because I felt like I _couldn't_. On top of my social retardation, you never _let_ me complain about you. You never _let_ me say what I wanted to. You don't understand that sometimes, you were in the wrong. Sometimes, it wasn't me. But you just couldn't handle that! There's no way it could only be you! It had to be my fault too! My fault that you liked to gossip! My fault that I found you're friends to be arrogant assholes! My fault for being the way I am!" He felt a weight suddenly lift from his shoulders. However, Deidara looked pissed.

"Sasori, you always blamed me, un! Always! What are you even talking about? I felt like I could never do anything right, un!" Deidara yelled back. "God, this is the same bullshit from when we were together! Nothing has changed." He cried. Sasori's eyes widened and he started chuckling quietly. Slowly, but surely, that laughter grew. Pretty soon they were both laughing.

"We're ridiculous, aren't we Dei?" Sasori laughed out.

"Drinking problem? Honestly Sasori!" Deidara's face reddened with laughter. After the giggling had subsided and they could talk normally again, Sasori spoke softly.

"We just weren't meant to be, were we Dei?" He said saidly.

"No, Danna we weren't. Or at least, not for a while, un. We met too soon. I still have a lot of growing up to do, and so do you. But maybe after we mature a bit more, we can try again. That wouldn't be too bad, would it, un?" The blonde smiled the first real smile he'd done in a long time.

"Yeah Dei... Just give it another couple of years." He returned Deidara's smile, truly happy. He felt better. They'd decided to keep in contact this time and exchanged phone numbers -well, Sasori got Deidara's, Sasori didn't have a cell or a land line- and addresses. They stuck with being friends for the time being.

That night, when Sasori returned home, he opened his refridgerator and pulled out a beer. He opened it up and put it to his lips, but didn't drink. Instead he smirked and dropped it right into the trash can. No more.

The redhead got into an old box he hadn't bothered to open in such a long time. He packed it when he was evicted from his last apartment, the one he lived in with Deidara and hadn't bothered to open it again. He pulled out all of his tools and wood chunks.

With a grin, Sasori Akasuna started creating a puppet, he was no longer nothing.

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><p>I hope you enjoyed it!<p>

Please Review! -Lunar


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